To Whom It May Concern:
Thank you for taking the time to read my cover letter. I really appreciate it. Sometimes it’s just so hard looking for jobs online because you can’t even tell if someone is actually reading your cover letter, or if it’s just being filtered out by some machine before a human’s eyes ever get a chance to see it. If you are a human, thank you. If you are a machine, I feel sorry for you, because you will never know the softness of a baby’s bottom, or feel the love in a woman’s eyes, because you’re just a stupid robot. I, on the other hand, have a girlfriend who loves me very much and we are very happy together. She is 6’ 7” tall, and she was nicknamed Sasquatch by her college rugby team. Oh, and just to let you know, tall, athletic women are very sexy to humans.
I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be taking my frustration out on you. You’re just doing what you were programmed to do. I hope you find another machine to fall in love with someday. For some reason I feel like vacuums are kind of sexy, but what do I know? I hope you can get over the problems we had, and forward my cover letter on to the human resources human that you work for.